The Large Hadron Collider.

There are a few things I love in the morning. One of them is not being late to work. I didn't have that this morning, that is for sure. I also love my morning cup o joe. Except the whole part about coffee being gross for the most part. And the last thing I love is reading an article from the Associated Press telling me interesting stories from around our country and the world. I absolutely did not get that. Instead I open my browser this morning to find that the AP has written an article detailing the shutdown of the Large Hadron Collider. AKA LHC. AKA The Big Smasher. AKA Earth's Little Black Hole Creator. It appears as though...well, hell, here is a link if you really care about the details.
Where is that black hole I was promised?

This may be a devastating blow to the Large Hadron Collider's bid for presidency this year. I have accurate information that dozens of people, or maybe just one person, was planning on casting a write-in vote for the Collider this November. Now, after this failure will the public be more critical of LHC? Is the Large Hadron Collider too inexperienced to lead this country? What does the Large Hadron Collider plan to do to fix our crumbling economy? Does it plan on only smashing things in order to secure the nation's financial markets? How will the LHC handle the Bible Belt? Can he gain the religious vote, considering his main goal is to provide information as to what the universe was like shortly after the Big Bang? These are all valid concerns. One big advantage the Large Hadron Collider has going for it though is that it will have the support of foreign nations, with full support coming from Europe. Or at least European scientists.

This does not change that fact that my biggest concern is not the Large Hadron Collider's policies, but where it is located. The Large Hadron Collider is built under the French and Swiss border. Do we really think that was a good idea? Building something of such importance and power so close to Germany. They loved to build things underground. Certainly not as much as the Vietcong, but they are a different topic entirely. Honestly though, do we want the Germans to be a short march away from the LHC? When the Germans attacked Poland, they woke up at 9 a.m. and were in Warsaw before lunch. Why did the Germans have to have a perfect race? That is what keeps me up at night. If they just settled for controlling a great deal of the industrialized world, I would have a better fondness for them. I mean, lots of people started wars for so many years, I can't blame them for that. And even to hate another group of people is usually okay. You just don't have to kill them. Anyway, I am getting off the point. Do we really want the LHC that close to Germany. We are an art school dropout and a half day hike away from WWIII. And this one will have black holes, I guarantee it. I cannot wait.

Anyways, despite this minor, and I emphasize minor, setback, I feel the Large Hadron Collider will in fact still run for president. Now the question remains...who will he choose for a running mate? Will the Large Hadron Collider choose its close predecessor the Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider or the smaller but more "maverick" of the particle colliders, the Tevatron. This will be an important decision in the LHC's campaign. The Tevatron is from Illinois and could make this state that has been consistently won by Democrats, a battleground state that will not simply be handed to Obama in the coming election. I do know this...even if the Large Hadron Collider won't get enough votes to win this election, the Hadron Party is going to be a force in American politics for some time. The proposed Super Large Hadron Collider may be around in ten years and could begin smashing particles in time for the 2020 election.

Large Hadron Collider
Tevatron '08
Change you can believe in...at the subatomic level.