The K.O.P.

I am an idiot. I am dumb. I am un-American. I am going on and on about dumb politics. Every once in a while, you need to step back and appreciate the good things about 'Merica, and stop bitching about what needs to be changed. Michael Jackson. He is one of the best things that has ever happened to this fine nation. It was also his birthday today. He was (in my opinion, still is, and will always be) the king of pop. The king of pop! That was his nickname. And it wasn't his nickname because someone just came up with that. That was his nickname because he reigned over pop music. I love him. He can touch some kids, built a theme park in his back yard, and yes, even declare a monkey his best friend. No matter what he does, I still will always love him. I have had this discussion with friends, was he a better dancer or a better singer? The answers were autoritatively that he was a better dancer. So he was the king of pop music and probably the best dancer of all time? I love him.

Two blogs. Too many.

The long awaited wait is over. McCain has chosen his vice-presidential candidate. In a move that had the timing that only a Republican could pull off, McCain made his selection and the news was released early on Friday morning.

Haha. I promise I will stop with the sexism soon. I just can't stop looking at this picture and laughing.

I don't know anyting about McCain's selection, Alaskan governor Sarah Palin. I don't know if I should. Choosing the Alaskan governor seems, at this point, to have been a pretty big surprise to those inside and outside of the Republican campaign. But obviously by choosing Palin, McCain has thrown down the gauntlet in terms of picking up the female vote. I don't necessarily blame him considering women actually vote in this country. I mean, I am practically ready to throw my support behind anyone nicknamed, "Sarah Barracuda." She is smoking hot.

Honestly though, look at that picture. No better way to gain voters than to carry around a baby. Hell, it's Alaska, anything goes.

Okay, I made my few comments. I still really don't know what to say about this selection. I am sure much will come out about this candidate in the days ahead. I just don't want to know how many times I am going to hear her be referred to as a "Maverick" in the next two months. I have only ever known two Mavericks ever, Lt. Pete Mitchell and Bret Maverick.



The worst part about McCain nominating his vice president today is this...Intrigue. Or go here for the story describing this event - I am so enthralled. I can't stop reading about her. I want to meet this factory worker. I want to tell her how beautiful she is. I want her to show me her country. This woman may start her own investigation...are the Chinese not as hard-working as we once used to think? I don't think they are. I don't know if all factories have downtime for iPhone pictures. Or maybe just Apple factories. I can't get this story out of my head.

The August 29.

It is his (Republican) party, and he can cry if he wants to, cry if he wants to, cry if he wants to. You would cry too if it happened to you. Bum pa bum pa bum.

I am unsure how I am currently finding the time to blog. Or how you are finding the time to read my blog. You should be out celebrating. It is John McCain's 72nd birthday. This handsome, young, presidential candidate was born on this date in 1936. At least two thirds of the adjectives in that last sentence were true. He is not handsome like this man...handsomeness. When I turn seventy-two, I expect my birthday list to include: Ensure, a round-trip ticket from my current Florida location to my hometown and back, someone to add length to my pants, (as for this year, I hike them up two additional centimeters) or somewhere to sit and think. Obviously my ideas for getting old are passe and archaic. John McCain's birthday list simply includes one thing, that of choosing his own vice-president. Which is total bullshit. I don't even get to pick what kind of cake I want at my birthdays anymore because I am so old and obsolete. He gets to pick a running mate. Who could it be? Who will it be? My guess will be Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty. A fairly safe choice seeing as where the Republican convention is being held. Others are suggesting Mitt Romney or possibly former Pennsylvania governor Tom Ridge.

It's always nice to see a politician from Pennsylvania being thrown around in the mix of vice-presidential candidates. Especially considering the last good politician to come from The Keystone State was Ben Franklin. And he wasn't even born in the state. Your other option of course could be this nation's fifteenth president, James Buchanon. It is very common knowledge that Buchanan was a life-long bachelor. But why? How could a president not find a good woman to marry? Easy. There was a young, tall, bearded beauty of a politician from Illinois was stealing women's hearts all across the country on his ascension to overtake Buchanan. What a terrible fate. To be the fifteenth president. Going before BAbe Lincoln must have been like trying to be a savior before Jesus. You could have done a lot of good shit, but you never remembered to play the "Son of God" card. You recovered from a pretty severe disease, but you never resurrected. You had a bunch of your friends follow you around and hang out with you, but they weren't disciples.

Resemblance?

Barack Obama.

There. I just wanted to scare you. Very quickly your minds started assuming that I believe Barack to be the second coming. A savior of American politics. Not the case. I was just switching topics. Last night Obama addressed his party at Invesco field. In a speech that was straight forward, and some may say, too decisive, Obama proved he was going to take the fight to McCain. I thought the speech was very very good. It was vintage Barack Obama, and something the Democratic delegates have wanted to see from him for quite some time. It was a speech of ideals and hopes that hearkened back to his first convention speech. I have already listened to conservatives in my office complain today because they felt Obama is already running a "dirty" campaign by attacking McCain so early. Response from conservatives had Obama not attacked McCain and waiting until next week for McCain to attack him first: "Oh that John. He is so so smart. He went after Barack. He is so smart and tough. That's what he is, tough. Like a piece of rawhide leather. He reminds me of a pit bull. A real American. Red, white, and blue all the way through. And I just love how he wants off-shore drilling. We need that oil so badly." Other remarks included: "Pow pow, let us keep our guns, pow," to "Now that white skinned man is authentic America. He loves his country. I am not a racist, but I just don't think a black man could ever be as patriotic as McCain. **

Was that too mean? Yeah you are probably right.

How will McCain and the Republican party answer Obama's speech is yet to be known. They have already claimed that Barack Obama will never be able to pay for all of the things he spoke about. And to be fair, I wonder the same thing. Spending ten billion dollars less a month on a war we won't be fighting anymore might be a start. Regardless of the reaction, when Obama speaks, he makes me believe in a lot of good things. And I think a lot of people feel the same way. And after 2004, I never thought I would believe again. That is why I adore the man so much. I don't quite know everything about his policies or how much he will backslide (fears strongly voiced by a certain fish on a scooter), but it sure feels good to care about politics again. Now I just need to break out my Buck Fush shirt from the old college drawer and I will be back in business. ***








*Try finding a normal looking picture of Jesus on the internet. I don't want to see just how pissed he is gonna be when he comes back and finds these terrible images of him on the internet.

**Brandon, feel free to use your gay editing/copy writing skills to determine just how far from APA stylization I strayed during that last paragraph. Kate, you can do the same. I just figured you didn't get that far into my blog, as it was dealing too heavily on politics (again). I threw in some Baberaham for you though.

***I have fallen in love with the asterisk during this blog. I hope you have too.

The Europeans.

Look how sweet this continent is.

Ah, Europe. The land of many of our ancestors. A fine continent. When I think of Europe, I think of beautiful contrysides, stunning beaches, food, wine, history, smoking, and of course...my second favorite currency, the Euro. What a trendy name for a currency. Way cooler than the Franc, Pound, Lira, or whatever the hell else they used to have over there. If our money in America hasn't been so cool for so long, (and Abe Lincoln wasn't on the five-dollar bill) then I would say the Euro is the best. I love the colored money thing they got going on over the pond. Plus, you won't find a better continent for America to bully around, except for: Asia, Australia, Africa, Antarctica, and definitely South America. If we didn't bully all those other continents so well, we would definitely bully Europe like 5th most.


See. I had you didn't I? You thought I was going to blog about Europe. Nope. Wrong. More politics. Let's talk about the Europeans. They have fought in more wars than in a George Bush wet dream. They have been doing the whole politics thing for longer than a beautiful, eloquent, concise, magnificent Willaim Jefferson Clinton convention speech. Europe is where the idea of democracy was born. And Europe knows what is good. They know what the world needs. And contrary to all of us Bacharach fans, the world needs much more than just love, sweet love. The world needs politicians who are willing to use diplomacy in order to achieve goals that benefit all peoples. The world needs a 'Merican president who can get tens of thousands to Germans to gather to hear him speak about leadership and unity. We all know just how much you Germans like to be whipped into a fever pitch by great orators. (Come on Germany, you aren't gonna live down the Hitler or the holocaust thing for another three centuries, just get used to it.) For the numerous Jewish people currently reading my blog, don't be mad at me for bringing up the holocaust. I am writing this from a coffeeshop in Squirrel Hill, so we are friends.


But now, somehow the Republicans are using Obama's popularity against him. Apparently it is a really bad thing for other countries to actually like Obama. I mean, if our president isn't a good ol' boy from the South, how is he going to smooth talk the other countries at the G8 summit? I don't know why they are so against a political celebrity. When someone speaks about important topics and issues, not just American issues, but issues that every country faces on a daily basis, people will listen. The Republicans are going to turn Obama gathering 80,000 people to hear him speak at Invesco Field into a bad thing. How is that a bad thing? Getting people interested in politics is an amazing feet. A feet that Obama seems to accomplish with every speech. If you haven't, do yourself a favor and read the speech for which many demanded that he run for president...http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A19751-2004Jul27.html.


You need that in your life.





"We owe him our gratitude, not our vote." - Obama on McCain. It needed to be said.

The Bill Clinton's Wife.

I never intended for this to be any kind of political blog. In fact, I never intended to have a blog at all. But today's blog again will deal with politics. And I would imagine many will considering we are almost two months away from a presidential election.


Hillary Clinton. Love her. Hate her. Love her because she is married (still?) to Bill Clinton. Whatever you think about her, it probably should be a little bit more today. While I hated her for most of the primary for continuing to run a negative campaign and then refusing to give up her campaign even though everyone who knew the numbers declared her dead, she really impressed me with her speech at the DNC. She did everything I think she needed to do. She touched on the issue of Obama fighting for the lower class. She spoke very well about how McCain is so similar to Bush that it is hard to tell the two apart. And she also hammered home the issue that Democrats need to unify as a party in order to win the election.


Take that you stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID women who wear "Nobama" buttons or pins or broaches. Ugh I hate you. I want you to vote for McCain. I want McCain to win. And then I hope you feel sorry for your mistakes. Just shut up. If you actually travel to the Democratic National Convention to protest the candidate YOUR party has chosen, you are so so dumb. You make every male regret the 19th amendment. So just stop it. (My sexism for the most part comes from sarcasm.)


Okay, so I guess this blog was a continuation of yesterday's blog.


So, Hillary, I do applaud you for doing the right thing. You have impressed this guy. And with your speech, I hope you have impressed enough of the Hillary4McCains out there. If you didn't, then I will probably go back to hating you again. Bloggers are the cruelest.



And because it is always appropriate to mention Bill Clinton when you mention Hillary Clinton, here is another picture of the handsomest playboy president since JFK.

William Jefferson Clinton - Your beloved 42nd president.

The Ormsbee.

There are two things that I hate in this world. Stupid Republicans and Democrats who are as dumb as republicans. Well, make it three things. Add Cleveland to that list. I really hate Cleveland. I can't imagine how much hate I would have for a Republican from Cleveland.

Side note: I was originally going to write my first blog about how old John McCain is. I may just save that blog, and write it on his actual 72nd birthday. We will see.

Let it first be said that I don't really have much against Hillary Clinton. It is very obvious that she does have great interests in children and families. I guess that's a good thing. I still think that the best thing she has going for her is William Jefferson Clinton. He is handsome any way you want to look at it. Just look at him. He looks like he is ready to be impeached again! The list of accomplishments for Bill Clinton is far too long to even begin looking into during this blog. Back to his wife. So yeah, I have nothing against her really.

I will tell you exactly what I am against though...her staunch supporters. If you support Hillary so strongly that you would be willing to vote for John McCain over Barack Obama, why do you even call yourself a democrat? Maybe you could just be a Hillarian Democrat. Your views on foreign policy, education, health care, abortion, or trade are only liberal when Hillary is your president? I am not blind to the fact that there are just as many Democrats that are dumb as rocks in ways Republicans could never think of, but this is a new low. I am proud that the Democratic party could produce two quality presidential candidates, one being female, and the other being black. That is a good thing. But as is always the case, as soon as a Democrat does something right, there are dumber Democrats who undo any progress.

I am not from New York. And according to U.S. Census estimates, roughly 285 million other people are not from New York. This means, that Hillary Clinton has done nothing for all but about 20 million or so. You can argue that the same is true for Barack Obama. The only difference is, I would not take up a sword and shield and defend Barack Obama until I split the democratic party into two, as would maybe Clinton supporters. I myself, also enjoy a little emotional fervor now and again. However, misplaced fervor does more harm than good. See also: The Crusades.

The only good thing about Clinton supporters is there are plenty of foolish examples to run through. Let's look at an article written today about two women who were Clinton supporters. (Let it be noted, that I do not want this to be a sex issue either. I very much feel that 'Merica could use a female president in the worst way. Just not when you have a candidate like Barack Obama running against her.) Leeann Ormsbee, a Clinton supporter who may now be thinking of voting from McCain, is a 29 year old housecleaner(?) from Ohio (not surprising).

Obama "made a foolish choice" in picking Sen. Joe Biden as his running
mate, Ormsbee said in a telephone interview. "He could have been president if he
had picked Hillary. How stupid can you be? It seems like he did it to spite
her."

Yes, Leeann, Obama picked someone other than Hillary to "spite" her. After the most contested primary ever, he decides that instead of actually becoming president he wishes to go on a three month spite-fest. She also asked Obama how stupid he can be. I forgot that this high school graduate was questioning Obama's intelligence. The degrees from Columbia and Harvard Law were not enough to convince this Ohio native. "You can take your fancy degrees and go fly a kite, as far as I am concerned," stated this critical (and probably racist) voter. Okay, I am kidding, she didn't actually say that.

The article also states of Ormsbee that Clinton, "won her heart more by promising to fight for the working class than by talking of glass ceilings." One quick search of Wikipedia and this Obama critic could clearly learn of Obama's willingness to fight for the working class and underprivileged. So why is Ormsbee able to see Clinton as a working class supporter, and not Obama? Who knows. Reverse sexism? If you want to vote for Hillary Clinton because she is a woman, do so, but don't hide your reasons or throw out false claims. If you think Hillary Clinton is the better candidate, provide solid reasoning in that matter. Tell me how her health care plan is better for you. About how you feel she is a better leader, and cite examples.

The article also includes perhaps the funniest visualization one can have during morning work hours...that of a Hillary supporter wearing a Clinton button and a frown. If you care to read the rest of the article for amusement...here you go.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080826/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_convention_analysis

Let it also be noted that the other woman talked about in the article clearly voted for Clinton because, and maybe only because, she is a woman. She wants Obama's campaign to "understand what millions of women in this country live everyday in terms of a lack of respect." Umm. Yeah, I had to think about that for a second. There may still be, and definitely is still sexism in the workplace. To which I feel women should get paid just as much as men. However, I do find it slightly ludicrous for a woman to be telling a black man that she doesn't get enough respect. I will add nothing further about this woman.

The examples go on and on. The examples do not just include women, but men as well. I was reading an article that quoted a New York man as being very suspicious of Barack's middle name. That he may very well be a terrorist and has been fooling us all of this time. I really wish Barack would have chosen Criss Angel as his vice-president. That way we could all be mindfreaked that we elected a terrorist for a president. The country is full of racists and idiocy, I make no illusions that it is not, I guess I just expected more from the Democratic party.

Alas, I resign myself to the fact that there will be Democrats actually voting for John McCain, not because they agree with him on issues, obviously not because they are Republicans, but simply because the Democrat they wanted didn't win. You were the kids who would threaten to take your ball and go home. You probably even went home. I hate you. First you ruined the basketball game. Now the presidential election.